The approach to and experience of any given January 1 is a time of reflection, of looking both backward and forward. My journals show this, so a long post of entries follows, beginning with the last week of 1977 and first days of 1978. I was 19 years old.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 122.777 (Tuesday, December 27, 1977)

Today passed much like the rest have done since I’ve been out of school. I laid [sic] around the house all day and went out very little. I got my ring and book on “STAR TREK II.” The book was really good and I’m looking forward to seeing the new series. The ring is made of good metal but it has a cheap finish so I’m gonna take it to a jewelers in Asheville and have it gold plated; I hope I can find someone to do it.

I went to Leesa’s tonight to get my haircut. Ya know after all that fuss I logged about her, I realize that we could never make it as a pair simply because we walk two completely different paths. There’s still quite a physical attraction, but I don’t think either of us would want to get into that sort of thing.

It’s late and JWJ will be here tomorrow so I’ll take off. . . .

The cheap gold-plating that came on the Star Trek ring flaked off. Even though I described the metal as “good,” it wasn’t good enough to withstand the heat of gold-plating, so no one could do it. My uncle JD took it and used it as a model to create a solid (dental) gold, one-piece ring that I believe he gave me the following Christmas in boxes inside of boxes. He was a terrific uncle! . . . The interesting mention of Leesa seems rather insightful to me, lo, these many years later. . . . JWJ is John Witherspoon Johnson.

Captain’s Log: Compiled Stardates 122.877 – 123.177 (Wednesday – Saturday, December 28-31, 1977)

These last few days have been great. George and Betty have been here and so has John Johnson. I’ve had a really great time.

Wednesday, John got here and we went to Asheville that night, stayed tall, and saw “The World’s Greatest Lover.”

Thursday, we lounged around, went to Asheville, got small, and saw “The Gauntlet.”

Friday, we messed around in “A” town in the afternoon, came home and got so small I thought I was gonna disappear.

Today we went to John Kelly’s and watched the slides of our week with the Minnesota group. It made us more determined to see them again than we were the day they left. I hope we get up there. Mr. Moore and John also planted in my mind the desire to go off and work at a summer camp this coming summer. I also need to call Mack and see what he can dig up on some camps for me. George and Betty and I had a good time in Asheville tonight as we brought in the New Year on our way home.

The notion of “getting small” is a euphemism for getting stoned on marijuana; that of “staying tall,” of course, is not getting stoned. . . . I have no memory of John Kelly. . . . The “Minnesota group” – some of whom were Wheaton College students, as I recall – came to work at Glory Ridge for a week in the summer of 1977. One night before the end of their stay, John, Joey, and I made out with three girls from the group in one of the tents. We never got “up there” to see them again.

Captain’s Log: Stardate 010.178 (Sunday, January 1, 1978)

Well, here we go again. Like Mike [Tweed] said in his sermon this morning, I have no idea what the coming year will bring me. Yet, I know ultimately where I’ll wind up, good or bad, come what may, with the Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven.

I took G——— to see the “Good-bye Girl.” She really liked it and I think it set the mood for the evening. We sat in the car at her house and got close for about an hour-and-a-half. It was a very nice time and I’m thankful for it.

I’m sleepy so I’ll log some goals tomorrow night. . . .

Captain’s Compiled Log: Stardates 010.278 – 010.378 (Monday – Tuesday, January 2-3, 1978)

Yesterday was very much like any other New Year holiday; 4 football games on TV and dinner at the Plemmons’. Joe and I went up to Mike’s to watch some of the evening games and had a pretty good time. Last night I wrote my first gospel song. I haven’t got a title for it yet but I really like the words. I hope God is pleased with them.

Today I was just easy all day long. The only thing I did was, this evening, I went with Jobie to help Freddie and Martha move into their apartment in Weaverville. It’s a nice place and he’s got a real nice wife.

I’m gonna write down some of my goals for the new year and forget about trying any resolutions. I’m better at resolutions when I just wait til the urge to change hits me so I don’t have to force myself into it. Anyway, back to my goals; 1) to really advance on my flute and piano 2) to work in a Christian camp this summer 3) to possibly find a steady girl 4) to go to Minnesota in August.

These are just a few. There are others that I either can’t remember or shall not log at this time. . . .

I guess I did as well as I could with the flute and piano, but by the fall semester of 1979, I’d realized I didn’t have the dexterity to be great at either instrument. . . . As for the other goals, I didn’t get a steady girl or go on a trip to Minnesota. I did, however, land a job at a Christian camp (although that might have been the summer of ’79), but I ended up having to back out of it for some reason. I remember standing at the hall telephone in Spilman (dormitory) and hearing the camp director say that I could never apply to his camp again. Very Christian, right?

The scene shifts to Nashville, Tennessee. The year was 1984, and I was 25 years old.

Captain’s Log Stardate 8401.01 (Sunday, January 1, 1984)

The year is new and the slate is wiped clean, time for new beginnings. It is hard to say what ’84 will bring my way but I’m very anxious to see. Whatever comes, I know it will be according to the plan. With today things have started off very well. I spent a great day with my family and a great evening with G——— . Hopefully this will set the general tone for the next 365 days. During this year I hope to see the release of my first and second albums, some prominent artists recording my songs, a band of my own and a successful college tour in the fall, and a good batch of new material. I would also like to see things straighten out for Earl, leaving him free to be the creative, energetic person he is. I know I have written about a lot of girls in these logs but, if she’s willing, G——— could have serious potential as the winner of this kid’s heart. We’ve known each other for a long time but this was our first date. I’ll try not to get too excited ’til at least the second date but it was all so natural tonight I don’t know how I can. The worst thing that can happen would be that it just stopped after tonight without exploration or explanation. As for me, I don’t think I’ll just let it go like I’ve done so many times before. . . .

I don’t think I saw G___ again until years later (maybe 1997 or 2002 or 2007), when Leesa and I met her and her husband at a Class of ’77 reunion. . . Earl was Earl Richards, who signed me to publishing and recording/production contracts in 1981.

And just like that the year was gone and another begun and I was 26 years old.

Captain’s Log Stardate 8501.01 (Tuesday, January 1, 1985)

I have really got to start doing better at keeping this up-to-date. Still, very little changes to report so maybe I don’t need to write more. I’ve been sitting here reading the front entries and it is both funny and sad. It’s funny that I just bounced around between everything as I still do, and it’s sad that nothing has really changes. I’m still alone in my life though I have a great group of friends here in Nashville; my much lauded recording career is still lost in the doldrums of Earl’s mind; and I still worry about my relationship with God. I keep thinking that I’m so much more grown-up now than then but I’m not. Maybe I’m a little more realistic and no so fatalistic (“If this record doesn’t go to #1 I’ll just die!”) but aside from that there has been no real progress within or without. Could it be that’s why my writing seems sluggish? I sometimes don’t really live here, I just exist. These days I do have more of a plan B and C than I used to have, I won’t “just die”. These plans are going into action on Feb. 14 (8502.14) and I’ll give it ’til my contracts here are up. If nothing comes of any of my struggles* I’ll just head for Appalachian State U. and get my teachers certificate for English and do that. There is no giving up involved in this there’s just a seeing of the way things are, have been and will be. Until that time though, I’ll do all I can to see things work because I still believe this is where I fit into God’s plan.

Speaking of God, I’ve found a “fantastic” church to go to in the Goodlettsville Cumberland Presbyterian Church. I feel quite “comfy” there.

I now work as a clerk at Cat’s Records, 2620 Gallatin Rd. It’s a good little job and I’m learning a lot about black people. The people I work with are great too, especially John Williamson and P———. John and I have much the same sense of humor and I have a “thing” for P———. Cat’s fill most of my time these days in one way or another.

So, ’85 is a spark of hope that flashes through my mind now and then. There are possibilities that I shall not mention now but just inform this book of as they happen or fall through. I must try to keep in mind that hope is a duty, not a luxury. As a Christian I must hope and believe that God will use me to the fullest of my ability for His plans.

As for my plans:

Plan A: To release records and work toward becoming a Star Writer/performer/singer, helping my family, friends and the world at large as much as possible.

Plan B: To make a living here in Nashville as a writer, not just for Nashville but for all music, again doing what I can to help, probably on a more local level.

Plan C: To go back to school and finish my degree in English, then begin teaching, helpin [sic] raise kids to be the best they can be, maybe in the meantime over the years writing a novel.

So, there you have my plans . . .

Except for the bit about Appalachian State University, I’m living Plan C, and it’s a good life.

Captain’s Log Stardate 8501.02 (Wednesday, January 2, 1985)

This is a very strange life I am living and I have very strange feelings about it these days. The career that I’ve come into, or stand on the brink of, has seemed to go on so long and so uneventfully now that my soul seems numb. It is not a feeling of giving up I think but of having no expectations. Things are out of my hands and all I see to do is write with no expectations of it going any further than that. It doesn’t seem as if there is no hope[;] it just seems that this is all there is. I feel very strange. God must have a plan in all of this but I’ve lost sight of what it was or what I thought it was. The gift is from Him but it seems I am or someone is wasting it, though, as I said, I’ve lost sight of what it was for. There are so many places this could take me but I don’t know which to strive toward. It is a very strange and empty, lost feeling. Am I doing something wrong? I really don’t know anymore. I’m just floating through my circumstances, getting very little direction from my heart anymore. Though still writing, it is at times, or at once, fulfilling and without purpose. I guess trying to draw myself closer to God is my only course of action. Perhaps He is directing and I’m looking the other way, not listening. The only place I see myself wanting to go is into love. I am so very tired of being alone, but how on Earth do I give myself to someone else when I don’t know what it is I’m giving? How can I expect there to be someone to join their life with mine when it’s kind of like buying a car, sight-unseen? It’s such a puzzle and again I feel my only course of action is to pray and try to be open to guidance, or open to whatever lesson I’m supposed to be learning from all of this. Is it blind faith that should motivate me? It must be for I can see nothing ahead of me. . . .

That seems like a fairly dark place to be. In a song called “Everything’s Gonna Be All Right,” I wrote, “All my bridges have burned / And left me here without a light.” But, hey, another year passes, and life changes as it does.

Captain’s Log Stardate 8601.01 (Wednesday, January 1, 1986)

Well, here it is New Year’s Day 1986. I’m feeling good about it too. Last night was a good party with John, Marc and Vernon at Cat’s then Cindy, Noel, JB, Katie, T Michael and Charles at the Exit In. I’m reeling a little today. My thoughts on 1985 are that it yielded some good writing but career-wise I haven’t moved an inch near as I can tell. I don’t see how the coming year could do less for me professionally than the leaving year. So last night at midnight my production contract with Earl ran out. My plans are to hang on to him for the hope he’ll get something done but with the help of my friends I will cut some new demoes. With those I will try to get some record company interest on my own. I also think it’s time I put together a band and started trying to work some. This could be a great year for me and I hope it will. I’m going to commit myself to doing all I can to make it so. I want to become more involved with everything. Maybe I’ll even find a girl this year. Who knows? I’m going to write and write and write. I have nothing to stop me and it’s time to live life to the fullest. I also plan to become more involved spiritually and with the church of my choice which is West End United Methodist Church. This leads me to becoming more involved in humanity. I’ve got a lot of clothes I don’t need so I’ll try not to be such a pack rat [and] give them away. Here’s a prayer that 1986 will bring good things to all people but I wish mostly for peace for us all. I personally as for wisdom for myself as with that comes all things good. . . .

When these early days of 1986 came around, I was 27 years old.

Captain’s Log Stardate 8601.02 (Thursday, January 2, 1986)

Once again I’m going to try to be more consistent with this log of my life. I realize at times there seems to be nothing going on but I do feel things every day and these feeling should be here.

I start off another New Year as usual wondering what it might hold in store, reminding myself of the potential of 365 days. A lot can happen. A pen can begin to run dry for instance and drive me crazy. [Throughout the above portion of the paragraph, the ink is fading; the next sentence is in red.] Could the year be more exciting if I wrote it all up in red, kind of a “red letter year” idea?

My writing seems to be off to a decent start I must say. Nothing is finished yet but there are three pretty exciting works in progress, namely “Finger On The Pulse” (with Karen Pell), “Leesa Listen” and Everybod[y] Samba”. I hope to make this a strong year for writing.

The goal of this year is to become more committed, more involved in all aspects of my life. I want to get closer to my church and my chosen Faith, really living it. I need to take better care of myself as I am not getting any younger, try to quit smoking and get down to maybe 180-185 pounds. In music it will hopefully be an all-out effort to do all I can to write more and better, perform more and sing better than ever. I should do the Writer’s Night at the Bluebird and elsewhere as much as I can and I should put some kind of band together and really make a run at this scene. In other areas I hope to keep my friends happy to be with me. I want to read more and maybe I should watch TV and even listen to music a little less. Last but not least I would enjoy the change and challenge of being in love. Of course that doesn’t depend solely on any one thing I can do. She’s out there somewhere tonight and waiting for me. So there you have it.

In the news it is rumoured that the Kenny Rogers organization is interested in buying half of my publishing. Still, rumours have abounded in these last years so I can’t put too much into it. I need to find out some terms of whatever might happen there though so I can know where I’ll be standing if this does happen. Also, it is rumoured, Atlantic Records in interested in that old dusty project. That would be exciting to no end but again I am cautious of what I put my trust in. I know I can only trust in God to deliver the goods on what He has planned for my life and the gift He has given me.

Mom has to go to the doctor soon to have a lump in her breast checked out. I pray it is nothing serious. I don’t know what I’d do if she was not around. She has been a boost to me, along with Dad, my whole life through! They are both talented people but their lives have been dedicated to each other and me and my brother. I hope they are happy.

Well, I’ll leave the red pen and this book by my bed and try to keep it up . . .

I remember being excited by what Karen Pell and I wrote for “Finger on the Pulse,” but I remember only the hook and a bit of the rhythm. I finished “Leesa, Listen,” and it appears on my album Wonderful Life. I have no memory at all of a piece called “Everybody Samba.”

My journal notebook at this point has a blue divider page on which I wrote the following in blue ink:

Hello,

Nothing happening here on 8601.01. How about there? Are you truly committed to your life?

Michael the Younger

Then, below this in red a year and a half later:

Well I don’t know how committed I am to my life but there is something happening here June 7, 1987. I got out of my Earl deal, spent a summer loose and met Cathi [King] & Gary [Morris] in the Fall, got a Glen Campbell cut, a Margaret Becker cut, finally met Ashley Cleveland and became her friend, did a bunch of demos, met David Hungate and he wants to produce me, met Steve Nathan in Muscle Shoals and he wanted to but I let it go, spent a wonderful month out West, and yes I feel I may be a little more committed to my life—

So that I don’t lose track of it, I’ll include here a similar exchange on the opposite side of the blue divider page:

Howdy,

Have you been any better at keeping this current than you have been up today (Sunday June 7, 1987)? Any more cuts beyond Campbell & Becker? How is your writing? The band? Did a record deal every come about? How is Ashley? Jan? Margaret? Anyone else? Where are you living? Are you committed to your walk?

Michael the Younger

The above was in red ink, followed by the following in blue (but not in this format):

Michael the Older—On Tuesday, December 15, 1987

Cuts: “WALK THROUGH WALLS” by Geoff Moore; Writing: On a hike since August or September; Band: Sounding good but has given me much grief in letting go Dale and Lang; Ashley: Fine; Jan: Fine; Margaret: Haven’t seen her – fine I guess; Anyone else: No one else; Living: 100 Wellington (closet with bathroom); Committed: Trying harder, struggling more.

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